How to Have Sex Without Penetration

Person Wearing Pink Panty

When it comes to sexual play, sometimes penetrative sex isn’t on the menu. And that’s totally okay!

In fact, excluding penetration can bring new pleasures and excitement to the relationship, especially if couples use dental dams and condoms to keep them safe. Here are some ways to have sex without penetration: 1. Oral sex.

1. Frottage

For many couples, the idea of having sex without penetration may be off-putting. They might assume that good sex requires some form of vaginal or anal penetration. But for some couples, foreplay and sexual gratification can be enjoyed without any sort of penetrative action.

Frottage is an act of sexual rubbing, which can be done on either the penis or anal area. It is commonly referred to as a “frotter,” though it has also been called a “sexy finger massage.” It is an activity that can provide intense sexual pleasure for both partners, regardless of whether or not there is an erection.

While frottage is an enjoyable and relatively safe form of sexual stimulation, it’s important to note that rubbing can lead to certain sexually transmitted infections. That is why it is important for partners to communicate about the kind of sex they enjoy most, especially in regard to touching. Other kinky, non-penetrative ways to have sex include anal stroking and teasing, clitoris massage, hand jobs, dry humping and kissing. Some couples may even try sex toys such as penis sleeves, vibrators or synthetic lubricants on the clitoris, anus and nipples.

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2. Hand jobs

For some people, penetration is just not on the menu. In that case, hand jobs are a great way to turn your boo on and satisfy sexual desire without intercourse.

Using a light amount of lubrication, stack your hands and gently rub them up and down the inside of your partner’s penis. This stroking stimulates the nerves that line the head of the penis, and if done with enough pressure can create an orgasm.

If your partner has a foreskin, you can even play with it! A lot of men find it arousing to retract the flap that covers their penis and feel the mushroom-like head below.

You can also experiment with touching other erogenous zones, like the lips, neck, belly, and thighs. These touch points can build arousal and sensual connection before getting to the member, and can help make the first strokes more satisfying and exciting. Remember to use slow, consistent motions and to check in with your partner so you know what they’re responding to best. Also, be careful not to apply too much pressure, as this can cause a ‘Indian burn’ or ‘Chinese burn’ on the skin of their penis and lead to herpes (HSV) infection.

3. Dry humping

Many people think of sex as only being sexual when there’s penetration. But there are plenty of reasons you might not want to have sex that way — whether you’re on your period, experiencing a painful health condition flare up or both.

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There are also a lot of ways you can enjoy pleasure without penile-vaginal penetration, including dry humping. Essentially, you and your partner can rub against each other’s genitals, as well as any other pleasure zones (including nipples). A vibrator can make it even hotter. Try putting one between your lips or tucking it into your underwear.

The point is to stimulate each other’s erogenous zones with friction, so it’s no different than kissing, which can be just as pleasurable. And it can feel sexy and exciting as foreplay or a route to orgasm. Plus, if you’re both comfortable with it, you can use it in conjunction with foreplay like slow sex, tantric sex or edging. Try positions like the missionary, doggy or scissoring to see what works best for you and your partner.

4. Kissing

Kissing can feel intimate on a whole different level and is a great way to stimulate a partner’s genitals without penetration. It’s also a great way to connect on an emotional level and get to know your partner in a more personal way.

Oral sex is another great way to have sex without penetration. It can be incredibly pleasurable and may even help to create orgasm, especially if teasing is involved. However, it’s important to remember that oral sex can still lead to infection so you should always use a condom or dental dam.

Many people can’t or don’t want to have penetration — whether that’s due to pregnancy prevention, a painful health condition, sexual trauma, or simply because they feel uncomfortable. But rather than focusing on what’s missing, couples can focus on what they do have and explore a broader spectrum of pleasure-seeking activities. And by prioritizing open communication and trust, they can explore a whole new range of sexual experiences that can actually make their relationships more sexually satisfying.

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5. Clitoral stimulation

Many people only know about the tip of their clitoris, but the clit has much more nerve endings than your penis, and stimulating it is a great way to have sex without penetration. It’s also where orgasms come from for most women.

You can have sex with your partner by stroking, kissing or tapping the clitoral hood (a flap of skin that sits at the very top of the glans) and pulling it gently back to reveal the head of the clitus, which is located behind the glans. You can also use a dildo to stimulate the clitus, which responds well to a range of textures and pressure.

The clitus extends from the head to form two legs, called the crura, that stretch down either side of your vulva in a wishbone-like structure. The crura wrap around the urethra and the vaginal canal, and they have paired vestibular bulbs that swell during arousal. The head, body and crura are all covered by a membrane that protects the sensitive organ. For this reason, it’s important to try stroking and rubbing the parts of your clit that you can see with a clean finger or dildo before you get into internal play.

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